Four years have passed and I made it through senior year and graduation without you. All of this happened after telling you that you would make it to my graduation, yet you didn't even make it to my senior year.
Now as I enter my senior year of college you are on my mind. Oh the things I have accomplished that I wish you would have been here to witness. The things I have done, the people I have met, the places I've gone, all with you in mind.
It's been a rough four years. And the days grow harder knowing it's been that much longer since I saw you. I can't bring myself to go to the grave anymore because of the pain it brings. Knowing that I am talking to the ground with you underneath is so unsettling.
I long for the hugs and your sweet smile. Your bright blue eyes that I see in my dad every time I look at him. My love for traveling that I acquired from countless road trips with you and Pa. Hearing someone laugh and it sounding like you. I miss the times you'd do your little sigh or say "what Rufus?" to Pa when he kept yelling your name. I miss the trips to michaels to buy us beads to play with when we were at your house, or the flat grilled cheeses or the sugary oatmeal, and especially your cookies and red velvet cake.
Nothing will ever replace you, no one ever could. I miss you so much grandma, and it took me this long to put this into words.
As I lay here in my camp bed, tears rolling down my face I know that you are so much happier now than you ever were here. Every time I see a butterfly I think of you.
"But I still miss you, all the times we spent together, to hear you talk about the weather I always prayed you'd get well soon. I wish my prayers came true, I know that Jesus has the answer, and He's way bigger than the cancer in you, but I still miss you."
This has been the hardest week yet without you here. I love you so much grandma. ❤️
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